


That's What You Mean to Me

by RoseAmaranth



Series: IronStrange Countdown to Christmas [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Cute, Family, Happy Ending, IronStrange, Irondad, M/M, minor Pepper Potts/James 'Rhodey' Rhodes, slight angst, traumatic childhood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 01:22:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21679048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoseAmaranth/pseuds/RoseAmaranth
Summary: Tony has a lot of...issues with Christmas time.
Relationships: Tony Stark/Stephen Strange
Series: IronStrange Countdown to Christmas [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1558807
Comments: 3
Kudos: 108





	That's What You Mean to Me

**Author's Note:**

> So, this one starts out a little less fluffy than the others, but I ended it on a super sweet moment to make up for it!
> 
> Also, there are mentions of childhood traumas surrounding Christmas time. Nothing too in-depth; just enough to give you an idea of where Tony is coming from. 
> 
> Tony always deserves happiness. Always. <3
> 
> **IronStrange Countdown to Christmas – Day 4: bah humbug!**

Tony shut his laptop and spun his chair around to look out the window, sighing at the flurry of snow falling towards the city below. It was pretty in Central Park, where it clung to trees and blanketed the grass in a perfect white blanket, but from his office it was just gray clouds and tiny ice droplets swirling around in the biting wind. It was a perfect reflection of his current mood, actually. Dreary. 

Flipping the calendar to December always put him in a mood; and not the good kind. Everyone working in the tower was smiling, wearing brighter clothes, humming music of a season Tony wasn't fond of, and reminding him he was the biggest Scrooge on the planet at the moment.

People probably thought he loved Christmas because he was rich and powerful and like a child at heart, but it was one of his least favorite times of the year. Not only was it a perfect show of how America was spiraling into hell with the commercialism and capitalism strangling many families across the country, but it was a reminder of less than wonderful times in his life. Mainly moments he wished he was bigger and stronger and braver in the face of his father.

He still participated in the holiday – particularly the gift-giving part – because he loved his friends and wanted to treat them to something special. Because they deserved it. But it had nothing to do with Christmas. He never decorated his apartment. He could barely see Christmas trees or lights and not think of the chaos that was Christmas at the Stark household. Broken bulbs. Smashed presents. Lights flung out of windows and nights spent praying someone would take him away. Wake him up from this nightmare.

He wasn't sure what it was about Christmas that brought out the monster that lived in his father, but it never failed. Maria would be crying in the kitchen, Howard screaming and breaking things, Tony hiding in his room and cuddling the stuffed bear Jarvis got him when he was young and actually feared his father's tantrums. He rubbed a hand over his face and pushed the memories away. No sense digging back in the past. It was long gone and he was better than that. He was happier. 

But he still couldn't help his feelings towards the holiday.

Even having friends like Pepper and Rhodey, having his Avengers, and living in absolute luxury didn't help soothe old wounds. It just made him able to make his friends happy. Which made him happy enough, no matter the time of year.

His phone buzzing on his desk brought him fully back, a smile breaking through because there was only one person he was expecting a message from. He tapped in the passcode and laughed at the excitement he could feel through the words and emojis on his screen. Peter Parker, the boy he dragged into business he had nothing to do with and who looked up to Tony like he hung the stars (something that still made him uncomfortable, actually, but he cared about the boy enough to try to be better rather than resent him for it) and who was now more of a son to Tony than simply an intern or fellow super, was finally out on winter break. Which meant he was going to be spending many nights hanging out with Tony. It was the first year they both seemed to be comfortable enough and close enough to foray into hanging out like a father-son duo. 

Like what Tony always wanted with his father, no matter how much Howard hurt him. 

Peter, unlike Tony, loved the holiday. He wore Christmas colors and sweaters, sang Christmas songs off-key and proudly, and lived on cookies and milk for many days of the month. It was repulsive, but Tony couldn't bear to take away the innocence that was a boy's love of Christmas. It was charming now, and he was looking forward to making memories this Christmas. 

Harley, another boy he stumbled upon and received help from in the past, was coming too. His place was cleaned up, kitchen stocked with foods and drinks for the boys, and rooms made up for whenever they decided to stay over. The bots were extremely excited for Harley because he always tinkered with them and gave them little updates while Tony was running hands through his hair and trying to figure out equations starting to blur on his page. 

Harley also happened to like the holiday season, though he wasn't as enamored as Peter. He loved the snow, the cocoa, and the smell of pine trees all around. Tony wasn't sure if they would find his apartment....appealing, but maybe they could add some touches of their own. Something to bring the holiday in without Tony having to suffer through Christmas trees and stockings and other innocent things he had bad memories attached to. He cared about his boys and wanted to indulge them in whatever they wanted; even if it killed him.

He just hoped it didn't.

Pepper knocked on the door, smiling over at him with an elf hat on her head. Tony snorted and stood to greet her. 

“You hear from Peter yet?” Her hands rubbed his tense shoulders, mouth pressing to his head gently. She was a saint, someone Tony desperately needed. It made him endlessly happy that she and Rhodey were....closer friends than they were with him. They deserved the best, and he couldn't think of two better people in the world. 

“Just did. He's out of school and packing an overnight bag. At least his aunt has Happy. Otherwise, I would make that boy spend his first week with her only.” She hummed, scratching her nails through his hair. He loved the feeling, and suddenly there was a ditch in his chest, a pit in his stomach, a yearning for someone to hold him and love him. Someone he could hold when nights were cold and who would cuddle with him on the couch while people opened presents around them. He hadn't felt that kind of pain in a long time, filling the hole with friends and kids and saving the world.

But there it was, fierce and demanding. Pepper was in front of him now, looking up into his face with concern on hers.

“You seem less...like a Grinch this year. But something is bothering you, Tony. What is it?” He dropped his gaze. He never liked admitting his feelings, opening himself up to people, but Pepper was always different.

“Well, I've just realized everyone around me has someone. And, yeah, I've got my boys. But for one, they aren't really my boys. They are nearly grown and still call me 'Mister Stark' or 'Mechanic'. And another, it's not the same as having someone to hold. To snuggle with and share life with. I liked having that with you, you know? It was nice. Safe. I miss it.” Pepper pressed her lips into a tight line and ran her hands along his arms. He missed being with someone he loved – someone he knew loved him despite everything saying they shouldn't – but he also knew it wasn't in the cards for him. Iron Man didn't get a family. A wife. A husband. Anything other than his inevitable death trying to protect a world that was constantly asking for more, forgetting everything you've already sacrificed for it.

A wonderful addition to his mood. Perfectly fitting.

“Tony, I know it will happen for you. Someone will come along and you'll tear the stars from the sky to please them. And they'll do the same for you. Because that is what you deserve. Okay?” She ran her thumb along his jaw, tears and determination in her eyes. He couldn't find it in himself to argue. Not when she spoke with such conviction. 

“And those boys absolutely love you, Tony.”

Stephen Strange. Excuse him. _Doctor_ Stephen Strange. Tony never knew there could be someone as arrogant as himself; someone more infuriatingly cryptic and closed off than Tony. He was all fluttering robes and rude capes that smacked him far more than he was okay with. There was always a mocking arch to his brow and a smug tilt to his mouth. How anyone could stand to be around him for longer than five minutes was beyond Tony.

Which was why he spent hours tailing after the wizard, sharp retorts on the tip of his tongue and something buzzing in his chest when his banter was returned with a searing sting Tony ate up with secret glee. Stephen was intelligent, he was clever, and he was devilishly handsome. Scratch that last part because Strange was horribly aggravating. Tony wanted to choke him every time he snatched something out of his hands or corrected him in front of everyone with that flash in crystalline eyes.

Choke him, kiss him, throw him over his desk, onto his desk...

It took nearly a year for Tony to finally admit he _liked_ being around the wizard. He liked trying to trip Strange up with his comments and having the cape swat at him when he was messing around with something he knew he shouldn't. Stephen Strange never made him leave, never cussed him out or dropped him onto some faraway planet like Wong probably wanted to do, and it warmed Tony through that it seemed like Strange liked having Tony around too. It was always nice to have a friend who was enough like Tony to be enjoyable to talk to and different enough to pique his interest. To keep him coming back for more.

It was nearly two years before he realized he _liked_ the wizard on Bleecker Street. A lot, actually, and it was horrifying. A terrible tragedy considering their chosen careers, but Tony never exactly listened to sense when it came to...well, anything. Stephen was part of the Avengers, good friends with Pepper, Rhodey, and Thor, someone Peter really liked, and Harley loved throwing questions at Stephen for the wizard to answer in that casual way that was incredibly sexy to someone like Tony. 

He was an idiot, he was a fool, and he really liked this wizard. 

They were hanging out at the library Stephen had in his mansion, the wizard reading some spellbook while Tony scribbled formulas on some papers he found, puzzling through another development for the medical sector. Something he didn't realize he was doing because of Stephen's interest, expertise, and involvement in medicine until recently. Embarrassing, but it wasn't like that ever stopped him from doing anything he wanted to do.

“What do you normally do for Christmas, Tony?” He glanced up to find Stephen watching him, those eyes piercing and ever curious. Always searching for something; seeking information. Tony swallowed and tapped his pen. Most people knew how Tony felt about Christmas, and those closest to him knew why, but Stephen wasn't ever really around enough to see for himself. They were close friends now, and he constantly bugged Stephen for the first year of their acquaintance and subsequent friendship, but Stephen was normally off doing something else when Christmas came around. And it wasn't like Tony was dying to invite him over to his apartment or the compound back then. He kind of liked having Stephen to himself (even if he failed to admit it then). 

He was slowly warming up to the holiday thanks to his friends- his _family_. He still couldn't stand the sight of a Christmas tree, and hot cocoa always made him tear up, but he was able to decorate his home (only while Pete and Harley were around) and even enjoy baking cookies with his friends. It was progress. 

He drummed his fingers on the table, debating what exactly to tell Stephen. Because he liked him, he trusted him, and he wanted to share himself with the wizard. But it wasn't right, they weren't on the same page, so he stuck to the basics.

“Mostly hang around the compound. Eat cookies and open presents. Then they make a lunch spread to die for and we enjoy each other's company before everyone heads off to do other things. I stick around with whoever doesn't leave and we watch movies or play in the snow. Whatever people feel like doing. Why do you ask?” Stephen, for the first time in their friendship, glanced away. The man was never nervous – never uncertain – yet there he was. Tony couldn't believe it.

“I haven't gotten to have a proper Christmas in a long time. Wong isn't exactly into that, and while I have Christine, I don't like to intrude on her family. I figured, you know, there was probably an Avengers thing. I figured I could ask.” There was silence for a moment, the two of them simply watching the other, and then Tony smiled. He wasn't exactly ecstatic about Christmas, but having Stephen there? Watching him with his family on a day about things exactly like this? 

He wanted it. That fierce yearning returned, this time reaching out to touch Stephen. He was excited, afraid, and dying to spend one of his least favorite holidays with one of his favorite people.

“Well, as an Avenger, you're certainly invited. A bit of a warning, though; Thor gets a bit touchy when he's had a few eggnogs.” Stephen laughed - a real laugh - and shook his head.

“Sounds promising.”

(And if Tony tossed up a few extra sprigs of Mistletoe around the compound, no one mentioned it. It worked out in his favor when he was able to capture the wizard under it, a playful roll of his eyes before they shared a brief kiss. Then another, promise twinkling in blue eyes.)

Tony grumbled at the tape stuck to his finger, waving his hand around until it was captured in a larger pair, the tape removed and a brow raised. He stuck his tongue out at Stephen, who was stacking another perfectly wrapped present with the others. Tony always struggled with wrapping, it was stupid and wasteful anyway, but Stephen was excellent at it. Probably due to his perfectionism and attention to detail and maybe that core of patience Tony envied. Another present was stacked with the others and then Stephen was behind him, hand coming around to help him wrap the present.

Not that he really cared about that when his senses were filled with Stephen. He wished he could just melt into the body behind him. Shrink down and fit in Stephen's pocket. Pepper was right, all those years ago, when she said someone would come along and make him want to tear the stars down to make them happy. It's exactly how he felt about Stephen. And the wizard seemed to feel just the same about him, which was even more insane than Tony falling for a wizard. 

Especially considering, during the second year of them being together, Stephen became a supreme wizard. Super powerful. (Super sexy, okay?)

“You've been in your head a lot these past few days. Do you want to talk about it?” He blinked out of his thoughts, Stephen's arms around him now and gifts all taken care of. He pressed back into the embrace and sighed with content. His life was really turning out better than he ever expected. Better than he really deserved. He had Peter and Harley, Pepper and Rhodey (and a little Rhodes on the way), his Avengers, and now Stephen. He saved the world and stuck two middle fingers up at the sky on the regular because no matter how hard the Universe tried to bring him down, he kept fighting. He kept winning.

And now, he was able to see it was worth it.

“Just thinking about how lucky I am. And how much I hate how good you are at wrapping.” A chuckle, low and breathy, sent a thrill up his spine. Stephen squeezed him close and then stepped away, searching for something in the closet. Tony flopped on the bed, trying to figure out if they had enough time to fool around before the festivities started. 

If they skipped to the main event...

Stephen was back, something hidden behind him that Tony was instantly suspicious of. Hey, he was kidnapped as a child; he was allowed to be a little wary.

“If this is some new sex thing, I hate to break it to you, but we only have about ten minutes before things go to hell out there.” Stephen laughed, his eyes scrunching up cutely. Tony wished he was any good at painting; he'd love to capture that exact look because it was so rare. And it always lifted his spirits.

“Actually, we should have just enough time for this. Though you seem to forget I can stop time if I want to.” Oh? Tony made a mental note for the next time they were in a rush and Stephen was adamant there was not enough time to get it on before whatever event it was they were going to where Stephen looked like a treat in those suits of his. He never imagined there could be someone who looked better than him in an expensive suit, yet there was Stephen. Just...existing.

They always looked better on the floor, anyway.

“Oh, _magic_ sex stuff? I like how you think.” Stephen hushed him and inhaled, eyes closing as if he was gathering himself. Okay, this wasn't normal. Stephen was confidence personified. Tony couldn't help but think the worst because that's all he ever got. Just when he was happy, something dropped on him and nuked his happiness right out the window. Maybe Stephen was leaving on some wizard pilgrimage and couldn't be with Tony anymore. Maybe he was done trying to balance wizard duties with dating Iron Man. Maybe he was sick of being with someone as....public as Tony was. They were always splashed across magazines and on trashy gossip sites.

Tony's past life was always mentioned, painting him as a possible cheater and wondering how he could possibly want to stay around Stephen. Why Stephen would want to stay around Tony. It was utter garbage, and Stephen never seemed to care about it, but he was a fantastic liar. He could play the part of loving and patient partner while falling apart inside or growing a garden of resentment.

Before he could truly spiral out of control, Stephen reached out and cupped his jaw.

“Hey. Stay with me, okay? This isn't anything bad. I swear.” Tony forced his brain to stop, to listen to Stephen's soothing voice, and wait patiently as Stephen has done with him.

“You know, I still remember the day we met. I was actually excited to go toe-to-toe with the great Tony Stark. You're known for many things, but your intellect and wit was what I was interested in. People around me, at the time, didn't care for my charming banter.” He remembered meeting Stephen too, pleased to find the wizard was nothing like anyone around him. He was definitely charming, even if he couldn't see it back then. Or maybe he refused to see it.

“For about ten minutes, I thought you actually hated me. Like, blast me into oblivion kind of hatred. But then you never went away. No matter how much you made fun of me, how often you talked about my magic like it was a sin to your science, you still came around. You followed me, you refused to leave even when I needed you too, and you were utterly stubborn to the point I was going to bar you from being able to enter the building. Except, I liked you too much.” That was a...it was surprising. He didn't think Stephen looked at him twice back then. Not with how annoying Tony was being.

“Wong told me, quite vehemently, that I was an idiot and that I needed to toss you into the dark dimension and move on. But, well, I couldn't. And I didn't want to. You were distracting and irritating like no one else. You refused to listen to us about touching things in the Sanctum and you complained constantly about literally everything I did or had. Seriously, Wong wanted to do something horrible to you. But, well, I didn't.” He shrugged as if it was no big deal, but Tony was soaking it in and falling more desperately in love. Tony was his absolute worst with Stephen, pushing boundaries and seeing what he could get away with before Stephen grew tired of him. Like a boy chasing a girl around the playground or throwing dirt at her until she cried. 

Unacceptable behavior for someone his age, but Stephen still saw through it. He _liked_ what he saw in Tony. That wasn't something many people in his life did. It made his heart sing.

“That's really embarrassing to admit, actually, but I want to tell you everything. This is important to me.” Tony smiled and pressed a kiss to the hand he still held. The other was tucked behind Stephen's back, still hiding something from him. Still making him uncertain.

“I guess you realized you wouldn't make me dislike you, or maybe you were done running some experiment. I'm not really sure, but it didn't matter because you stopped being a complete annoyance and Wong stopped wanting to sneak into your room and kill you. We could really hang out, enjoy each other's company, and still zing each other when we felt like it. Kind of everything I ever wanted in a best friend. And more, though I didn't want to admit that quite yet.” He laughed softly, ducking his head.

“Wong knew long before me, and he teased me for months on end about it. Stupid smug bastard was about to leap for joy when I came back from the Christmas party we first kissed at. I think he was ready to strangle me if I didn't get my act together.” Tony remembered their first kiss fondly. The soft sweater under his fingers. Glasses clinking just behind him (and if he hadn't been holding onto Stephen, he would have offered them his middle finger salute). The bubbling joy and love in his chest as he stepped back and offered his glass of champagne for Stephen to tap his against, stars glittering in Stephen's eyes. 

He wished he had footage of that moment, how sickeningly in love they must have looked. No one believed him when he said it was their first kiss. Pepper started planning their wedding the next day.

“Good thing I got it together for us.” Stephen sighed, love and fondness coloring his features and rotting all of Tony's teeth. Was he really such a sap? Was this real life?

“I think I realized I was in love with you...oh, about the third date. When you offered that little elderly woman anything she wanted on the menu. And then we stopped by a toy store, you bought nearly everything, and we went around to hospitals all over the country to make children feel better. I was pretty overwhelmed, I think. But I was definitely gone for you.” None of that had been planned. He intended only to treat Stephen to dinner, maybe a walk in the park, and then drop him off at the Sanctum with a kiss and a promise for a date the next week. But the woman was staring into her change purse so despairingly, and the toy store they passed on the way to the Sanctum was calling to him, reminding him of all the children unable to enjoy playing because they were sick or hurt or dying. 

He thought he was annoying Stephen, dragging him along and making him open portals to random hospitals across the country, but now he knew he chose the perfect person to fall for. 

“Don't think I didn't notice your interest in medical advancements while we were sitting around the Sanctum. I just...it was a losing battle, trying to stay your friend. And now I can't imagine feeling like this with anyone else. I know it's stupid thinking long-term when you're Doctor Strange and Iron Man, but I'm kind of stupid like that. So I have.” Ah. The breath caught in Tony's throat, the anxiety and passionate love on Stephen's face suddenly making sense. Because Tony was a genius, and while he could be dense about a lot of things, he wasn't an idiot.

Well, about most things. 

“I know we haven't exactly discussed this or where we are in this relationship, but being here with you... I can't wait anymore. I'll understand if you can't – if you're not ready – but I need to get this all out to you. Because I want us to share everything. I want you to know how sick in love I am with you.” Tony's hands came to cover his mouth (what a damn cliché) as Stephen slowly dropped to one knee, the hidden hand finally revealing a little velvet box that had Tony's eyes filling with tears. 

Stephen, the sap, was proposing to him on Christmas Eve. In the Compound. Wearing that delicious suit of his and looking good enough to hang in a museum. It was unfair, really. Tony couldn't possibly stand a chance against him.

“I never...I never told you why Christmas is so difficult for me.” Stephen's brows furrowed, but he didn't say anything. Tony gathered himself and rubbed his thumb over Stephen's hands; over the scars he pressed kisses to because he loved everything about Stephen. All the dark parts he wanted to hide from Tony. The horrible things he did in his past. He wanted all of it, and he was going to share something he was terrified of showing the wizard. 

Not after he just proposed so beautifully. 

“When I was a child, Christmas wasn't exactly how many would imagine it to be with parents like mine. Rich. Powerful. Seemingly so perfect and loving. But behind those closed doors, it was hell. Every year, without fail, my father would ruin the holiday for the family. I would sit in my room and try to block out the screaming and smashing. It went like that until I was old enough to stay away from my house during the holidays. And then I spent them in sleazy bars or in hotel rooms with who knows. Then they died one December and I...I shut down. I couldn't look at a Christmas tree without feeling sick. I still have a hard time with that. Everything about the holiday was ruined by my father.” Stephen's eyes shifted from sorrow to anger to rage to sympathy and love as he spoke. He was so lucky to have someone like him in his life. 

“Spending the holiday with my friends – my family now – made it more tolerable. I wasn't alone. I wasn't drunk, nearly poisoned. I wasn't kicking someone off me and sneaking out to drink more. I'm happy with them. And then the boys came along and slowly I was able to find joy in a holiday marred in horrible memories.” He swallowed, his next words already choking him up. 

“Every Christmas was nearly complete, each year better than the last. I was starting to like the holiday again. I then realized, after some time, that as happy as I was - as much as this family made me laugh and smile when all I wanted to do was blast this stupid holiday from the calendar - I was still alone. Pepper had Rhodey. I mean, everyone around me had _someone_. Sure, I had my family, and I wouldn't trade them for anything, but I wanted someone to spend the season with. Someone to cuddle with. Someone to live life with. Someone who made me feel like what those stupid Christmas songs always sing about. And I was certain it would never happen for me. Not with this life.” It was supposed to be true, but Tony learned Stephen didn't care about what was _supposed_ to be. And frankly, neither did Tony.

“You came along and kind of killed that. But I was too happy to really care. Well, after I got over my denial. I didn't mean to drop that on your beautiful proposal, but I just needed you to know why this time of year has never been easy for me. It's a time I only ever associated with trauma and mistakes and near-death. But now...” He popped the box open, a gorgeous ring winking up at him. How much must this have cost Stephen? It was simple in many ways, but it had just enough flair for Tony's taste. 

It was perfect, basically.

“...but now, it's all good things. You. The boys. My family. And now this.” He pressed a kiss to Stephen's nose, plucking the ring out and trying it on. It was perfect. That really was the only word.

“And of course I say yes, you daft wizard. How could I possibly deny spending the rest of my life tied to you? Writing Stark-Strange on everything. Being known as the tech genius with that hot little dish who happens to save the world too.” Stephen wrinkled his nose at his words, but shifted forward so his arms wrapped around Tony and pressed his forehead to Tony's. For a moment, they shared breaths. They shared this moment. A shout sounded from somewhere in the compound and Stephen laughed, 

“Thank you.” Tony pressed a kiss to the spot between his eyes and smiled.

“Love you too.”

“Shut up and go show off that ring like I know you're dying to do. Merry Christmas, Tony.” This kiss was longer, on the mouth, and full of promise for later. Tony whined when Stephen pulled back and shoved him towards the door, the presents piled on the bed disappearing with a blink. Stephen adjusted his hair and straightened his suit, tempting Tony more and more as the seconds passed. 

“I do love you, Stephen. Like, a lot.” Blue eyes met his and there was that smile. 

“I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! xx


End file.
